You meet someone new and it all feels amazing. The chemistry levels are off the charts and the butterflies never stop. Soon enough you’re daydreaming of the fairy-tale life you could have together. Being the power couple that everyone aspires to be yet envies, the marriage, the house and everything else that falls in between. It’s hard not to be enamoured with all the what-ifs and it happens to the best of us, including me.
You look back and you just feel stupid.
You can’t forgive yourself for falling
or believing all the lies.
You reread every text.
You relive every memory.
And it all starts making sense —
he never wanted love.
He only wanted attention.
He only wanted validation.
5 TIPS FOR AVOIDING THE WHAT-IFs
Listen To What Someone Tells You Because They Mean It
What do you do when the guy you’re falling in love with says that he’s “not looking for anything serious” right now? The solution might be obvious to some but its easier to have clarity when you’re unbiased. Most of us will make the mistake of thinking that somehow, someway he’ll change his mind. Instead of making excuses, take the hint because he’s politely saying that he doesn’t want you.
Ask For What You Want & Don’t Be Ashamed Of It.
If you want to be in a relationship then speak up and assert yourself. So many of us (especially women) get hurt because we failed to communicate our needs. Rather you want a committed relationship or to keep things casual then express yourself and let the chips fall where they may. Don’t be afraid of losing someone who doesn’t want the same things as you because it may take some work but there’s an amazing person out there who will give you everything you need.
Invest In People Who Invest In You
I’m an optimist and I genuinely like to believe that everyone has the best of intentions. For the most part that’s always been true but when it comes to dating it feels like a delusion. In my past relationships I unconsciously invested in a future without commitment. I was blinded by all the possibilities and failed to notice that my so-called partner wasn’t investing on the same level. Instead of focusing energy on a wasted relationship I should have been investing in the people who made an effort to be apart of my life. But with hindsight comes wisdom and I now know that someone who wants you will openly reciprocate your dreams and hopes.
Don’t Rush, Take It Slow
We all have that one friend (or maybe its you) who immediately jumps into a new relationship. You meet each others’ parents and generally get carried away by the intensity. Then 3 months later, you’re living together and suddenly realize that this relationship isn’t for you. Our society puts so much negativity on singles to find a relationship but love isn’t something that needs to be rushed into. It’s all about getting to know someone and creating memories together.
Let Go Of The Fairytale
The thing we love most about fairytales is that they always end in an happily ever-after. We were raised on stories of handsome princes, adventures and love ever-lasting. Unfortunately, finding love in the 21st century is never like the movies and nearly always ends in tears. It’s ok to daydream but not all dreams are meant to last forever. Holding onto the hope of a relationship because of the what ifs is hard to let go but excepting that just because something could be doesn’t mean it should be is apart of life.
Considering my unimpressive love-life I won’t pretend to have all the answers but along the way I’ve learned a few things and I hope that through my misfortunes you’ll be able to stay grounded and never lose yourself in the what ifs too.
Comment below to share your experiences in dealing with the what ifs!